So the last time i went to subordinate courts was during my work attachment watching a client get his charges...who would have thought that now it would be my turn at that place my client used to be...
No none of you read it wrong...yes im gonna be charged in court soon and the sentence will happen maybe few weeks down. So what in the world did i do to get myself into this heap of crap?
Well lesson number 1 to add into my life " No more drinking!" I made a promise to myself never to touch another drop of alcohol anymore. I was drinking with my friends and got dead ass drunk...and that caused me to show another much darker side of me...which leads to
Lesson number 2 " I gotta deal with my anger management". Yes my anger is something most of you never saw before..its hidden deep down somewhere and i make it a point never to let it surface. Well alcohol made that side of me appear, and i was apparently drunk enough to punch a security guard in the face and also scold vulgarities at a police officer.
So yea those are my 2 charges. But how about the whole story? Well started harmlessly enough...just wanted to celebrate before entering NS so me and a few friends played a few drinking games...Well a few became a few too many as one by one we knocked out. Everything else after that was a flash and blur to me. I rmbed somethings we talked about...i rmbed having verbal exchanges with the security guard. I rmbed barging into their security booth...and rmbed them holding me from my back. I also remembered being pinned down by a police officer and being handcuffed. I was lead off into a police car and inside was when i started making sense of the whole thing, although i still thought it was a dream.
The whole experience was horrible...i was brought to AMK police HQ and there i was thrown into some sort of holding cell kinda thing with 6 other people. It was literally a single room, a small partition for a squatter toilet and thats it. Hard floors and plain walls in all directions. I rmbed trying to get some rest..hoping that it was a dream and i would wake up...i rmbed crying and weeping a lot. It was only later when i talked with some of the others did i find out that i was talking to myself and they thought i was nuts :p
The people were good. We had a mix of different cases. A few cases of holding knife (but no injuries), 1 case of theft, another one was an illegal immigrant. Some who was drunk also like me. So yea...was a good mix and i got to talk with quite a bit of them when i was more sober. They told me a little more about where i am since it was my first time and some of them were repeated offences. at first it seems ok..i was slowly getting the fact that its all real and i messed up somewhere. But talking to them helped me keep my sanity...well not for long.
As some of them started leaving (bail or court case) the room became quieter, and that was where everything sunk into me. I was in a police station, held in a cell, with no clue what just happened. My parents dont even know where i am, i dont even know if my frens are fine. Everything just came collapsing on me and one huge question popped up from it "what have i done?"
I was devastated enough to start crying due to my fear of the unknown. that was probably already about 7 hours of stoning in the room. I was supposed to wait for an investigation officer to talk to me but i only talked to him 12 hours after i first entered. In this 12 hours it was silent torture. Being in that room surrounded by walls gave a man time to think. That was where i made my own promise not to touch alcohol again, and also how i was going to set things right. But slowly i caved in. I missed my mum and dont even know how shes holding up. She would definitely notice that i havent been home and havent contacted her...but does she know where i am and what happened? I was worried sick about her and her face kept popping into my mind and on the walls i stared at. I started tearing again...i just wanted it to be over and give her a huge hug. Tell her im sorry and i've been foolish. I kept having images of her and my family all over the walls...it was torture. I felt useless and powerless...in no control. I felt helpless. I know at that point i realized how important my family was to me.
It was during this period when i also discovered something. I was so alone...i turned to God. Something i have not done in 2 years. There was nothing i could do. No one to talked to (since there was like only 3 ppl left) and so i just spent hours talking to God. I talked about my past, about what i wanna be in future...about whats gonna happen to be next...about how im gonna fix this...I talked about tons of things. I dunno if it helped...but praying to him kept my sanity in check when i was at breaking point (on many occasions too)
This whole experience left me shaken, to say the least. It showed me how its like to feel powerless...to have no control over what you do...to have so many emotions crash upon you at the same time. However it also showed me what is important in life. It was a torture, but a lesson nonetheless. I paid a huge price for a folly i made..and folly i dont intend to make again.
