"I now understand the true meaning of time. For it is the bond between friends that give time its meaning" - Vector Prime
Sigh...i believe i said before...being ignored is the worst thing that can happen to me, or that you can do to me. Most of my frens now already know that im a pessimistic person...im trying to think more positively, but my upbringing has made me see the good in negative thinking and this is hard to change...so when im being ignored...my head immediately starts working overtime and i start to wonder why im being ignored...what have i done to deserve it...or what the other party is going to do...i hate the feeling...i've already felt like a wall for so long...so such things really pains me and brings me down to deep-six. i constantly feel pain in my heart (literally...my chest sometimes may suddenly hurt) as i feel alone and ignored...have you people ever had this weird feeling when a bunch of people all leave together leaving you behind in a room...theres this weird feeling you will have that will tempt you to quickly go catch up...or at least...thats how i feel...i dun like being left behinds...the feeling affects me quick greatly...
So why am i still awake at this time?...i really dunno too...i did not sleep yesterday due to countdown and playing with frens...by right today i should be sleeping like a pig..but i cant...i cant fall asleep...i hope i will soon...the faster i sleep means the faster i escape the feeling of loneliness...i've been waiting...but it never came...im so used to having this "ritual" at night that now when suddenly it does not happen it feels so weird...
What worries me more is that i think the person is angry with me...i dunno...perhaps my negative mind is working again...but why else will he (no its not a girlfren) ignore me totally...sms...calls..everything short of me going straight to his house...have i made you angry?...if i did please tell me...dun ignore me...what happened to confrontation...or self-disclosure...or all those things we learnt...why use the method that will hurt me the most...i know it will never be your intention to hurt...but then i need to tell you...it hurts...no one can understand how it feels...when you have only a few people you can trust and treasure as frens...and these people ignores you...it leaves you an empty vessel at sea...lost with the same scene in all direction...you know how that feels...to be lonely...all you people are lucky...to have so many frens that you can throw some away and still have others...well too bad for me..i only have some frens who i can say i would trust my life to...so when they are gone...i might as well go hide in a forest and stay away from civilization...do you know how awesome a forest is...to be alone in there...since im already alone..might as well go spend some time with trees...or freaking ghost that calls your name pleadingly...
hmm...even as i read thru what i've typed...it doesn't seem to make sense...im just pouring out everything once again to this place..thanks Mr.blog for always taking my crap...
i dunno...i can dare say that im just being paranoid here...and probably everything will be fine soon...but it does not change the fact that im in my lowest of moods now...its no ones fault except mine...im sure any of you when faced with this will get thru it..but i cant..im not the kind that can get thru this..becuz frens are too impt to me...did you know that all these time...i've been thinking of what happened?...whether i made you angry...or you're sick...or you got into trouble...or your phone spoil...or my message not getting thru...so many things been racing thru..and i dun know which one is true..please...let me know...dun leave be alone... :(
well enough of these...i dunno what else to say...im just hoping that everything is fine or at least..will be fine soon.
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