Chatrooms!

A bit of self disclosure here...i actually wanted to post this on my private blog one..but i guess its not that bad enough to end up there

So yea...i do go to chatrooms once in awhile...started off when my ex broke up...i needed someone to talk to...or maybe just a "replacement" person...not sure what..but it spured me to try and go into IRCs to chat...i usually refrained from doing so cuz of all the stories i've heard..but honestly..its not too bad..as long as you make sure you're not con into something.

Well so in all honesty...chatrooms really are dangerous places...most people in there are either looking for sex...or selling stuff...well the second isnt so bad..but sometimes you see the "unusual" stuffs and you know its a con job...but usually i only enter IRCs when im feeling lonely or down...both of which puts me in a dangerous position...but thankfully i never fell into any traps before :P

anyway what prompted me to make this post was cuz im in the IRC now :P haha well actually i didnt have any plans to but  after being "rejected" for a chat (honestly no hard feelings formed- in case you're reading this)...i had no one else to talk to so i bounced in...and guess what..was immediately ambushed by one of those "hi...intro" type...well im not gonna bother explaining what those types are...but trust me..its fake, boring, shallow and sometimes disgusting.

But thats not the point...the point is that im currently talking to a married person...and he's weird...he's has a wife but he's telling me abt how he sleeps around with other people still...so i ask him doesn't he feel bad or like doesn't he wanna settle down..and he told me that if he settles down then its no longer exciting or fun. I was disgusted...not only is he not being loyal to his wife...he still has the cheek to think that its fine and dandy...ugh

but i guess he does make one true fact...when you settle down you really gotta be ready..if not then better not...cuz you will end up hurting your partner. (ok intermission...seee....i just got another convo pop up asking if i would accept SGD2000 in exchange for some fun -.-)...well thats the kinda thing that happens in chatroom...anyway back to topic...so yea...i doubt im ready to settle yet...maybe my heart is still wandering around too much or something..but i know that if i wanna get into a serious relationship now..it might end in disaster...however it doesn't mean that i dont long for a companion..one that i can spend my life with...in fact i really really want that...but i have no idea why even with that longing i still know that i might be unfaithful...kinda contradictory..but i guess thats the whole idea abt being unclear...

oh well...im still in IRC now anyway...but also watching man vs wild in the process...so i guess thats gonna be my way of distracting myself frm my problems for today..

Lan-ing again

Ho Ho Ho

Im at my friends houz use...heh heh...all night gaming tonight..didn't plan to sleep...but not sure....later heading over to hong kah to go sentosa with my kiddos...cant wait...anyway my back hurts like shit now..

anyway everyone is asleep...and i cant...cuz tmr i got an early day...but also cuz someone keeps popping into my mind...and making me feel like shit again...find it hard to be happy abt anything these days...but tmr i will be...gonna spend the hole day at sentosa  with my kids frm HKPS...been awhile since i last saw them...cant wait...

anyway thats abt all i guess...pretty normal...and good also..i dont want too much roller coaster in my life anymore...

Interesting bunch

Just done writing a bloody long post for my other blog..so this one might be shorter (i wanna watch my AVP)

So today i headed down to city to meet my fren who was celebrating his birthday (not actual day but just celebrating)...supposed to have dinner and all...and guess what...the boy who can navigate the forest and terrain cant even navigate the city...i promptly got lost and had to call for search and rescue...well its not that bad...just exaggerating...but still...i got lost...

so after meeting them we hopped to this place called glutton bay to eat...damn the weather was hot as hell (literally) but i enjoyed the meal...was nice and we were chatting up with stuff...and honestly i heard things which surprised me...but shhhh...secret ^^v haha so we chatting for quite awhile before evacuating into the air conditioned areas...we went to toys r us and i obviously disappeared within seconds...only to be found at the transformers section (whats new)...and after that we headed back.

honestly...it was a pretty short day...but i guess i really did have fun...cuz one of them was someone that i was totally not close to...while the other was an "almost" close friend...so it was a good mixture of catching up and also reinforcing friendship...its things like this that makes me feel happy and satisfied...not achievements or all the transformers in the world (ok maybe that is) but just the time spent chatting and talking to friends...yea those are what i like most...but please...small group..i cant stand large groups -.-

alright thats abt it...now to go watch my AVP...which has been paused every since i started writing :P

Peer pressured

I seriously Fucking hate my life right now! seriously...

For starters im slowly turning damn poor...aside from the clubbing thingy...next there was night safari...and soon there will be makan session(s) and soon again its zoo or science centre...i mean thank goodness i dont have to pay anything for the sentosa trip with my kids...or else they will become a burden to me as well...and the last thing that will ever need to happen is my best source of happiness becoming my burden...

Sometimes i guess its really abt peer pressure...and i get that a lot frm my fyp grp...dont get me wrong they are wonderful people...but maybe its the work style...or maybe its just that we dont share the same level of commitment...but everytime they want a meeting...i realized that i dont want it...cuz i just see no need for it...like i said maybe its just the work style...but i see no need to meet so regularly...it seems like honestly when we meet we get lesser done...on the contrary if we allocate work and everyone goes home and do and set a dateline...it gets done even faster cuz theres a dateline and all. but i guess grp work means we have to be physically meeting

I just got a call and cuz i had plans today i didnt have to go meeting..but i heard that everyone was there and that pressured me to want to go..maybe its paranoia...but i guess its just me...worse is they were planning so many outing and it clashes with my own plans...so what am i gonna do?...im totally feeling so stressed just now when i was talking to one of the members to a point where i need to stay silent and calm myself down...now i got a fucked up mood...hopefully i wont affect anyone later

First time to a club ^^v

Yea...Finally i had the experience of clubbing...and damn i had so much more than just dancing...

To start off...i went with 3 of my friend...2 girls 1 guy...guess its a good combi...cuz those 3 went clubbing before so i guess i'm in good hands :P We were at clarke quay and went to eat at macs first...then we went to 7-eleven to get a bottle of alcohol...honestly i cant really rmb what the name was...only that the alcohol percentage was 40 i think...we went to sit near some bridge and started playing some games...like those where you lose and you need to drink up kind...my first mistake...

Started off well for me...won quite a few time so i guess i didn't have to drink much..but slowly i realized that i kept losing to my guy fren and kept drinking...and the more i drink...the more i feel like wanting to drink...soon i was a happy boy..laughing away...thankfully i was still aware of what i was doing...at least i know that i was drinking too much...my head started feeling heavy and giddy...well...damn...

I remembered some of my friends smoking and for some reason..i felt enticed to try as well...i was playing around with a stick but i think i didn't try it yet...although i rmb that while we were leaving for the club (and mind you i wasn't walking straight) i decided to have a puff...honestly..i dunno..the feeling was a little bit of nothing to me...i mean it did make me feel a little weird or happy...but i dont think its my thing...so after this i really cant rmb much...i know we made our way to the club called rebel i think..i rmbed my friend telling me to make sure that i looked normal to get past the bouncer...and we were looking for lockers inside

I rmb the loud noise in the club...upbeat music...flashing lights..lots of noise...all of which would have annoyed me normally..but listening to it i got really high and excited...i wanted to dance it out...laugh it out and just have fun...and apparently my friend told me i did...i was dancing (something i never thought i'll do) and we drank more inside . Everything else i really cant rmb...i know my friend told me halfway we went to the toilet...then apparently i wasn't able to even stand properly so he brought me out of the club

What happened next shocked me...apparently i started crying and had an emotional outburst...and was crying and talking a lot abt my ex...so yea..now the identity of my ex is known to another 2 more person..great

well other than that i really dont rmb much...most of which was what my friend told me i did...so i dont really know much.

Anyway aside frm that..guess what...my friend is angry with me again...same person..different situation..this time not a misunderstanding anymore..it was my fault...and again i need to seek forgiveness..i've done what i can...and learnt my lesson...so again...its up to him

so yea..last night was one of the more interesting nights i had...and hoenstly...i think theres so much more to write...so i'll hop over to my other blog maybe...now that my heart is giving me the aches cuz of what happened between me and my friend...i need a good distraction anyway...AND MY FUCKING CUPBOARD DOOR JUST MOVED ON ITS OWN AGAIN!!!

Hee Hee Hee ^^

Yay imma happy cat...well for now i guess...but hope this last awhile more..i love being happy :D

Well today was pretty much one of the better days that i had...started off with me waking up early (but still late) for CareHeart (one of the student cares i go to) Sports day...was awesome to meet all the other 4 student cares...i was in charge of one of the groups...which surprised me a lot cuz i thought they wouldn't trust me for this group leader kinda stuff...heck even i wouldn't trust myself cuz i know im not social with people i dunno...but turn out..when the kids formed their group (my grp had only 1 frm eunos which i knew)...i became myself again..happy and bouncy with the kids...and very soon they were talking to me as if they already knew me...haha and they were good kids so thank goodness...lesser work for me to make sure they don't run around or fall. The sports day went well and they even have an awesome cheer...they won quite a few games and overall they did very well in my opinion. Even during lunch i was sitting with them...sharing my food with them (cuz as usual volunteer gets better food) and trying not to let the teachers see as i let them have my chicken wings and all...haha as usual i pamper them too much already :P I was supposed to leave at abt 1 plus...but after a lot of thinking...and also cuz the kids kept asking me to...i decided to accompany them and spend the rest of the day with them back at the center...their faces were priceless...i hope they know that im as happy to be there with them as much as they are happy that im with them :')

So back at the center they went for their bath...and some of the upper primary boys were being very dirty with me...had to interrogate them to find out where they learnt all the languages and things from...honestly even though im shocked at how young kids are learning all these...i honestly feel that they should not be reprimanded for it..i see it as part of growing up...yes its a risk..but sometimes you will not learn until you fall... not to say tat they get into trouble...but rather that we should not dismiss such things as bad so quickly...however i did tell them not to say such things in front of the younger ones. After they were bathing (which i spent powdering myself back at the center cuz i cant bath ): )..they had nap time...i was sitting with them listening to music at one corner...and after that watching transformers...but my body decided to be tired and i laid down...and very soon...actually fell asleep as well...after waking up confused...i realized that i've been sleeping for close to 30 minutes..some of the teachers were laughing when they realized i fell asleep as well :P

Oh but before that...i was going thru twitter and saw someone's post...and got worried for her..so i dropped her a text of encouragement...cuz even as i was reading her tweets...i realized that we do suffer frm the same problems somewhat...and since i was recovering and being happy with my kids...i told her also to find something that will distract her...well i guess it works well for me...and i hope it does for her as well.

Ok back to the day..after the nap we were watching cool animal shows and i was close to my new little brother :D one of the kids came to say that his sir name was Tan to so we were brothers...haha so cute...he's a P6 and one of the more naughty boys there..so usually i end up taking care of him...i remembered how i had to stop him from punching someone in anger...that was the first real major interaction i had with him as well...and even now he still has anger management issues...but something inside me tells me that he is still a good boy at heart. Well after the show i really had to go..i saw some disappointment in some of the kids and honestly felt like not leaving..but i told myself that i cannot get too emotionally attached to them so instead i promised them (as usual) that i'll be back when i find the time.

Ok frm this point im gonna skip a chuck on info so that the post stays annonymous

Guess what..my ex was stuck in a lift...so funny...i happened to be there and decided to sms that person...and to my GREATEST surprise...i got a reply! The first reply is almost 9 months...oh you dont know how happy i was...at first i was asked to leave for supper but when i told the person that i was going...the person did something which always won my over last time...and it still won me over now...i waited till my ex was safely out and said bye and left...honestly it was so fleeting but i was glad it happened...ok this is a pathetic post compared to what i wanna write...so it will be on another blog instead...when im free or not so lazy to go write it

So yeap...that was today...an awesome day...so now..to go enjoy the rest of the night and tmr as well :D

First time to a Pub

Yes the anti social little turtle me finally went to a pub...well tonight was supposed to be clubbing but things got screwed up so we ended up going to a pub instead...such an experience!

Well yea...the initial plan was to go to St James cuz they had a student free entry thingy...but alex didnt bring his IC while hakim didnt have a student card...so both could not go in..me and edwin went in for awhile to get the atmosphere before leaving...so tragic...so we spent some time deciding what to do for the night and finally decided to head to clarke quay to find eski bar...and nice little pub which is freaking cold (hence the name)

Well when we arrived at boat quay we started hunting for the place...yea we got lost...and ended up at those sleazy places with half clad ladies hooting at us to come in...like seriously...so we tried to ignore the surroundings and finally found our place...inside we ordered 5 bottles of Tiger Crystal...and damn it was nice beer :P better than Tiger or Heineken at least...then after that...we decided it was not enough (already sure sign of our doom) and ordered another 5 bottles of another beer called "hoegarrden" or something like this...what ever it was...its taste even better...and we semi chucked it down...always saying "shut up and drink" before we took a gulp (yet another sure sign of our highness)...was a damn good night with Bams...and honestly did not expect myself to do so well with alcohol...the hoegarden thingy was 4.9% and cant rmb tiger crystal was how much...but yea..expected myself to be a goner but turn out just fine...although when we went out of the place i was feeling floaty...happy and cant walk straight worth shit...now i know why people drink their sorrows away..it does work :P

Well so yea...anyway next week i might be going clubbing for the first time with my classmates...and BAMS will be going clubbing again soon i hope ^^v But for now..i totally need some rest...zzz 

Time will Tell

Well someone came by yesterday (not literally..in text) and was talking to me about people in general (i'm just saying this cuz i try not to mention names on this blog) and it did get me thinking about something that i always told myself in the past...but not so often now...back then i always told myself...time will tell a person's true side...and yea...that kept me on edge and cautious of others whom i just met...but slowly there was no more need cuz i learnt to trust people...well blindly actually..but somewhat still trust

So when i was talking to her...that's what i told her as well...time will tell a guy's true heart...and used myself and my failed relationship as an example..at first i thought i was ok and all...but in the end...my ex had to slowly find out what a jerk i was...and this only surfaced after she and I know each other better...people cannot hide forever...they may be good liars or great actors...but if you are close to the person...things will definitely surface and you will be able to know the persons true colors.

Well so aside from that sudden thought...had an awesome start of the week...went down to ACS again...both my favorites didn't go...but it was still fun for me there...but thanks to those kids i caught a cough and sore throat...lots of them had been sick and the teachers got it as well...and now i got it too...humph... And on sunday i went cycling with some of my friends...we cycled aimlessly and ended up at compassvale O.O...so i visited my grp mate there and went shopping before we started cycling back to yishun...was super awesome and you can tell the difference between both the areas...after the cycle i went to meet 2 of my classmates who were at some CD shop...haha totally not my type of place since i don't listen to music...but anyway going home was boring for me anyway...so that's about it for the interesting parts of the week.

So in general..i guess things are not too bad...my sunday church was pretty bad but its over so im not gonna think abt it...so thats it i guess :P

Painful again...

Another posting in church today...cux that's where I am and as usual...I'm not listening...well if uncle Terrence was delivering the message then maybe I would be listening a bit more

And guess who's sitting 1 row in front of me...yea..THAT person...can feel the tug in my heart again...cuz I saw how the person was..at first the person was just standing there not singing...a bit like last time...but as the worship went the person got more connected with God...raising his hands and all...and again...it hit me that I've lost the person 9 months ago already

That feeling left me in pain as usual..I don't even know what I want anymore...one hand I miss the friendship and want it back...another part of me miss the companionship and connection with the person as well...

But what's new I guess...as usual I'm just sitting through the pain...no where to go...no where to hide..just live through it and hope for the best...as usual...

Been Awhile

Well its been awhile since i posted...during the last few months it was almost an everyday thing...but i guess not posting is a good sign for me...means im doing fine...well so how come im back here?

Well because for all the things that went right...one thing is still not done...im still cooping up so much of the things i wanna talk about...its still stressing me...depressing me...and making me feel moody..it attacks whenever it wants...and today...al of a sudden..it attacked again.

Maybe it was cuz of cell yesterday...well i met with BAMS and uncle Terrence...and the topic was abt remembering God...and i told uncle Terrence that i will never trust God for my problems ever again...why? cuz when i prayed for things to be right...it fucks up even worse...and just kept going downhill...all the prayers lead me to take my action...to betray someone for another...and guess what...not only did it make someone hate me...it ruined my friendship one way or another as well...that is NOT a good idea for a "pivotal circumstance" I trusted that God will take me through...and look where he dumped me at.

So when uncle Terrence steered the topic towards that...i felt my anger...resentment...sadness all rising to boil into one pile of shit...i nearly lost control and started ranting to him...i told him how much the 9 months was shit for me...and honestly...i stopped myself...why would he understand...he doesnt...he was part of the grp of arseholes that made me suffer for 9 months...like God...i trust uncle Terrence..but not with my problems...at least not This particular one.

Well there are people that i can talk to abt this...but currently its not going well...maybe its just the short curt replies that bug me...but thats why i want things to be fully solved...and not shoved under the carpet...yes i know...thats how i solve my own problems...but if the problem is mine alone then shoving it under the carpet is what i do...but if it involves friends then i would rather it be solved in full...but again...i must rmb something...i cannot expect everyone to be like me...and so once again..it falls on me to change...and to adapt...and to "just wait for things to calm down...let God guide your path" pfftt...well i miss talking like normal and last time...still missing it...but as people always say...its a start...and yea...guess so...i can survive a few more days living with my problems...i've always been doing that.

Ok theres so much that i DONT want to rant here...so i shall bounce to my other blog to rant before sleeping...may make me feel better...anyway if all goes well i can spend an extra day at ACS with my kids again...hopefully it works out.