Well its been awhile since i posted...during the last few months it was almost an everyday thing...but i guess not posting is a good sign for me...means im doing fine...well so how come im back here?
Well because for all the things that went right...one thing is still not done...im still cooping up so much of the things i wanna talk about...its still stressing me...depressing me...and making me feel moody..it attacks whenever it wants...and today...al of a sudden..it attacked again.
Maybe it was cuz of cell yesterday...well i met with BAMS and uncle Terrence...and the topic was abt remembering God...and i told uncle Terrence that i will never trust God for my problems ever again...why? cuz when i prayed for things to be right...it fucks up even worse...and just kept going downhill...all the prayers lead me to take my action...to betray someone for another...and guess what...not only did it make someone hate me...it ruined my friendship one way or another as well...that is NOT a good idea for a "pivotal circumstance" I trusted that God will take me through...and look where he dumped me at.
So when uncle Terrence steered the topic towards that...i felt my anger...resentment...sadness all rising to boil into one pile of shit...i nearly lost control and started ranting to him...i told him how much the 9 months was shit for me...and honestly...i stopped myself...why would he understand...he doesnt...he was part of the grp of arseholes that made me suffer for 9 months...like God...i trust uncle Terrence..but not with my problems...at least not This particular one.
Well there are people that i can talk to abt this...but currently its not going well...maybe its just the short curt replies that bug me...but thats why i want things to be fully solved...and not shoved under the carpet...yes i know...thats how i solve my own problems...but if the problem is mine alone then shoving it under the carpet is what i do...but if it involves friends then i would rather it be solved in full...but again...i must rmb something...i cannot expect everyone to be like me...and so once again..it falls on me to change...and to adapt...and to "just wait for things to calm down...let God guide your path" pfftt...well i miss talking like normal and last time...still missing it...but as people always say...its a start...and yea...guess so...i can survive a few more days living with my problems...i've always been doing that.
Ok theres so much that i DONT want to rant here...so i shall bounce to my other blog to rant before sleeping...may make me feel better...anyway if all goes well i can spend an extra day at ACS with my kids again...hopefully it works out.
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