YAY!!...im glad to say im back to my old self again :D..after all these event of the past weeks
these events have really changed me...all the lessons learnt from all these events make me feel re-newed :D
and it also widen my eyes to my closest frens around me...all those who helped me when there was a need..i thank all of them for their presence
well...guess i should mention 3 peepz around me that i truly appreciate..and thats theodore, CJ and peggy...these 3 have always been with me for all the 11 weeks ( since we first met) and there is no better frens then them...we were there for me when i was seriously ill...buying porridge for me to ensure i eat...they've also sms me with concern when they find that im troubled with something...you know..all those sms really means a lot to me as those are the affirmation for me that you care for me...and i will do the same like-wise...
then there are also the rest frm my poly class..who have been, still are and probably will always be the best bunch of people i have ever met...Quek chin...who also chowed great concerned for me when i was sick..as well as also being the resident gamer :x...jasmine...always providing the fun and laughter...VJ...one of my role models..she's such a mature person and always being helpful for the betterment of the class...jerry...who takes in all our teasing and also a very mature person...just to name a few :D..of course..the rest of the class all had their greatness..i think i might do some sort of dedication for all of them soon :P
Then there are my lecturers who showed undying support to the class...Jim for showing so much concern when i was sick..and Jocelyn for being the first educator in my life that told me NOT to go school ( i was sick ma )...haha :D...I rmb Jim saying that the people that impacted him most was his mentors and i agree to that...only 11 weeks and both Jim and Jocelyn have impacted my life so much with what they taught in class...
Im so happy to be where i am now..i feel fortunate that i have such great people around me...i'll do my best to help them as well as assist them in whatever ways i can...and to be a great classmate to you all as much as you all have been the greatest class mates to me :D

WHEE!!!...thats 2 more ICA presentation down...4 more to go :D...
the presentation went smoothly today..except for the part where we ran out of time and i had to talk so fast i actually panted after it...haha..my poor classmates had to chase after my bullet train of a presentation :x
other than that...nthing else happened..besides me getting frustrated again over the incident yesterday..i need to contrl myself :(...and of course probably hurting those around me in the process....currently im glancing at my phone almost every minute and jumping when it lights up...waiting for some sort of response frm a very special person...who isn't responding :(...and no its not a girlfren -.-...
oh well...guess i should go cok now..before my dad comes home to complain that theres no food on the table

GRREEEEEAAAATTTT!!!!...i fucked up again :(
guess it was kinda my fault to post it on FB...now that lost me a fren...what a loser i am...great :(
she did have her reasons for doing such things...maybe i should have kept the disagreement to myself...but i guess i dun even knwo what im doing this days...im a failure...:(
im probably gonna retreat into myself these few days....maybe i need time to reflect on what i have done...this is my fault for interfereing with the matter...and i deserve the hate...and most of all..i've caused trouble again to the one im closest to :(...
Well..im going for a temporary "vacation" inside myself...maybe i might come back better...or feeling worse...who knows.............

YAY!!!...first day back in school...and fun it was :P
dun know why im talking like that :P...random...anyway...finally get to see my frens again..who turned our tutorial into a funny tutorial as usual...but the exercise was kinda sad...there were 26 people who were terminally ill and only 13 miracle drugs to cure them...so half of them had to die...so we had to decide who lives and dies...my client was a dementia patient, female, 86 and retired...in the end most of the others thought she should die cuz she could not contribute to society and she's old liao...quite sad la..and makes me wonder if in future im old will others throw me away as well :P...haha..but im thinking too much..its was a meaningful exercise :D...
other than that...i found out that one of my frens was kinda sad/angry/disappointed cuz he/she has been helping others but he/she is concerned that others will get complacent or take advantage...im disappoint to hear that cuz we should help becuz we want too...and not everyone has learnt the art of gratitude...but we should not ask for credit or recognition for what we have done...if not..then our rendered services has an hidden agenda instead of being pure...i felt that it was the wrong way to see things :(
Oh well...im not gonna worry too much...i'll still try my best to help others un-conditionally :D

ANGER!!!!...GRAWR>>>if you're not interested to read on then please dun..its kinda petty...but i dun even know why im angry...
SOOO...i thought today i will FINALLY be able to spend sometime with my secondary school frens...i thought today i can FINALLY catch up with them and spend the whole day with them...but then what happened?..some kid comes by and ruins the whole thing up...
When i met up with my frens the host said that there were some unexpected visitors; one of his other fren will be joining us...at first was kinda ok for me...i've met this other guy before and he seems like an ok person...but then when he came he mentioned abt his sister going for a competition or somethings like that which meant that the host...being the good and kind person he is...would wanna go to give moral support...which meant that our time together would be cut short for some last minute person...i made arrangements so that i will be free today and not interrupted...made sure no one else will ask me go out somewhere...and even skipped my grandpa visit for this...and then its ruin by some person who never made a single plan...then used his arsenal of games to further make our time together lesser by attracting my frens to go play his games -.-...and guess what..IT WORKED!!!...my dearest frens who goes crazy over games couldn't even hunt properly while their eyes were roaming all over the other games...
but what pissed me off is the fact that this fren is so insensitive to the people around him...all of us tried our best to arrange the day nicely and was looking forward to it..then he comes by with his own plan and doesn't even have the courtesy to give us an option...the host did not know abt the sister's competition until they came by..and once he knew..he immediately said he wanted to support her..im fine with that cuz thats being nice...even if it meant forgetting about others...but that fren just simply sat there happily...if i were him..the least i would do was to dissuade the host not to go..cuz he have other fren to attend to..but NOOOO...why would he do that?...GRAWR!
oh and i've never mentioned names cuz im SENSITIVE to your feelings!...do try and learn that skill..its pretty useful _!_

grrr...well...guess i wont worry abt this shit too long...not worth my time :(

ps...you know the worst thing...his name is actually the same as my bestest fren in the world!!!...what an insult :(

WAH!!...early post today!!
holidays are coming to an end :(...done nothing much that can be discussed here...went out a few times...did project a few times...kinda boring..cant wait to go back to school where all the laughters are :P...and now...finally can go swimming with old frens liao...cant wait...:D

WOW...these past few days have been the best days eva!!...not sure is it becuz its holidays or its just the times i had...theres so many things that cant be said here..but they sure made me happy just to even think abt them...gosh...but holidays are coming to an end soon...lucky im done with the work..now to tackle the 5 presentation...great..but still..gonna be a happy cat all the way :D

YAY!!...had such a fun day today with my frens :D
woke up early today to head to pasir ris to meet frens...then went to pasir ris to CYCLE!!!...but we ate at ananas cafe first...and sinthu started off the day in laughter...there was a chili bottle ( those soft kind ) that was kinda stuck...we couldn't squeeze it out..then sinthu tried and pressed it super hard till it burst out...then after that all of us super scared of that bottle..once someone come pick up the bottle..all of us fled :P
then after that we went to cycle at pasir ris park...took the single bike first and had an earth of a fun...then later tried those double bike...at first super scared but then later found out that it was super fun :D...then later we went to the arcade and i completely sucked at jurassic park :P..i cant shoot for nuts...
then later we went to jocelyn's house for the BBQ...i started off cooking some otah and they got burnt :P...well..not THAT burnt..still edible...then i gave up and started eating with the rest...had fun with jocelyn's 2 child...they super cute lei :P...then since i kenna sun burnt i look so red...hee hee...maybe they like reddish faces :P..cuz the younger girl smile at me when i played peek a boo...she smile cute lei :P...the stayed till abt 10 before leaving...
had such a blast of a day with great frens..im so fortunate to have all of them in my life...

Well....wad an interesting day today :p..suddenly went to malaysia for the sake of shopping with my parents...interesting i guess...but boring...not much transformers there anyway...was kinda boring day...cant wait for tmr P

WOO HOO!!!..imma happy cat...just went to watch nanny mcphee and it was kinda nice...im surprised cuz it looks so boring...but its a great show and i suggest you peepz give it a shot...
went to sakae sushi for dinner and ate katsu curry don...hmmm...stuffed myself full and feel FAT now :(
and the main thing of today is my latest addition to my TF collection...ARMADA MEGATRON!!
This guy is like 6 years old!...transformers armada first aired around 2004 and the toys came out almost the same time...im so surprised to see it sitting on the shelf together with so many other older transformers..but he's the oldest :P...and at good price too so i dashed into comics connection to grab it before the show...and spent alot of time at sakae sushi just looking at it :P...haha!

heh heh...was talking last night when i found out something...Jim asked us in class recently who already have a mask for this class and i was one of them who raised up my hand...at that time i felt like a fake-o...but then i realised yesterday that the "mask" i have in class is exactly how i am at home....its like...i had a mask in secondaryy school...but now in poly who i am is really who i am..no "mask" required :P

WEEE...had a mixed day today...
was forced outta bed to go get my passport thingy and forced again to wander around places that i dun like...rats...then later had lunch in some place on earth that i never knew existed...IM NOT FAT!!(random)...and then later went to bugis OG to exercise self control...saw a transformer and grabbed it immediately...then after wrestling with my inner voice then decided to put it back :P...felt the tug in my heart...sigh
then came home for awhile and then went out agian to pizza hut..tried the soccer pizza...was quite ok...but stuff myself like pig like that...now gonna become fat again...grrr...

YAY!!!...had a really happy day today...
started off a little boring...woke up around 12 to go for lunch...the lunch was ok...went to seoul garden and the sotong i was cooking exploded and flew to earth knows where :P...then later went to PC show to get a new memory stick duo for myself at good price...but the crowd nearly squeeze the life outta me :x
Then after that went to celebrate CJ's birthday and was super funny...first we were deciding what to eat and we ended up at burger king :P...then peggy said she wanted to go to the toilet and disappeared...but after awhile i got a call frm her asking me to come out...then i found out that she was secretly buying a cake for CJ but did not bring out her purse :P...but all was well then...we surprised her with the cake and nicholas even cuter...he pulled out 2 apples from a red bag that ppl use to go "bai nian"...looked so funny...then we went out to the fountain of wealth there and took some pics before leaving...
although the meet up was short..its was so enjoyable becuz it was with great frens...and that's all that is important...
but then wad a way to end off the day..my dad's trying to get me off the computer now...and its his birthday -.-

ARGH!!!...ARGH!!!!!...( dun continue cuz im gonna revert back to old self soon and theres gonna be quite a number of bad things )
IM PISSED AND F**KED NOW!!!...IVE CAUSE SO MUCH TROUBLE TO OTHERS AND HAVE TO MAKE UP FOR IT...WHY IS IT THAT YOU PPL CAN HAVE SUCH A CAREFREE LIFE...I WANTED IT TOO..AND I DID...BUT THEN THINGS MIGHT POP BY AND TEAR AWAY MY HAPPY, CAREFREE AND FREEDOM OF A LIFE...I MISSED THE TIMES WHEN ALL I THOUGHT OF WAS WHAT TO DO AFTER SCHOOL OR WHAT TO EAT...NOT CARING ABT THINGS LIKE "WILL SHE GET HURT AFTER SAYING THIS" OR OTHER THINGS LIKE THIS...I SHOULD HAVE HAD SELF CONTROL AND NOT RUSHED THINGS...NOW I SEEM LIKE IM IN THE WORST KIND OF OBLIGATION...AN OBLIGATION FOR LIFE!...LIFE!!!...THERE IT GOES...I WAN MY OLD LIFE BACK!!THE FREEDOM KIND OF LIFE...JUST BECUZ I LIKE TO HELP OTHERS DOES NOT MEAN I DUN NEED ANY HELP...BUT THEN WHY ARE THE MISTAKES I MADE SUCH MAJOR ONE...SO MAJOR THAT PPL ONLY RMB ME BY THAT...AND YET IM TREATED LIKE IM TRANSPARENT AND DEVOID OF EMOTIONS...IM STRESSED AND FRUSTRATED TOO OK?...

Im not saying that i no longer wanna help ppl...its just that i just found out that ppl are sad over something i did and this situation cannot be solved in a win win situation...its either i lose my freedom for that person's happiness or i get hated...i should never have started this at all...now i cant even find a solution for this...THIS SUX...WHY MUST IT ALWAYS BE ME?...THE UNLUCKY THINGS ALL COME TO ME...IM RESISTING SO MUCH TO JUST RANT THINGS OUT BUT IT WILL RUIN SOME FRIENDSHIPS...AND I BELIEVE THAT THERES A SOLUTION...I WANT TO FIND IT....!!!!....PART OF ME IS SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW...IT USED TO BE GUILT...OR SADNESS...BUT NOW FOR SOME REASON IM SO FRUSTRATED...AND YET...I CANT FIND A COUNSELOR THAT CAN HELP...NOT MY MENTORS...DEFINITELY NOT MY MENTORS CUZ I'LL BE REPRIMANDED...I NEED ANOTHER COUNSELOR...PLEASE DUN BE LIKE THE OTHER PEOPLE AND IGNORE ME AS WELL...:(

Today was an ok day...not much mood...but something kept nagging in my head :(
Yesterday one of my secondary school sec 4 classmate msn-ed me and asked me a question that nearly made be angry/sad...i had a previous post saying that i felt forgotten or im easily ignored...well thats true...this guy asked me a simple question : "you got go for 10th anniversary?" !!!...what got me sad/angry was that i talked to this guy on that day and was standing damn near him during the prize presentation...only different table...but am i so transparent among them?...to the point that i can be beside them and not noticed...or maybe there was never a need to notice me ...:(..oh well...i dun blame the guy...at least he still msn-ed me..so its not too bad i guess...sigh

Oh well...but today was kinda fun...went on a visit to a youth center...kinda interesting there...they have 2 Wii consoles....how cool :P...visiting there really made me want to work with youths and children in future...but it can get stressful i guess...oh and jim is back but still sick...haha...but im not gonna make another fallacy of causation again...after school...had vyncent, teddy and CJ over to my house...still no idea for what -.-...

Well...aside from the msn thing...im a happy boy again...but i feel my lips getting dry..shit :(

ARGH!!...what a fiasco i made again -.-

was just reading a friend's blog and found out what a mistake i made...she needed the support and concern but i never gave it...why am i so bent on helping others when i cant even help those close to me...she went through so much...the least i could do was provide some emotional support...but i dun even know how to do that now...im afraid showing too much might send the wrong signal..causing more misunderstanding...while showing too little will seem like i don't care..so what is the moderate?...i never knew she saw me as completely not concerned :(...if you are reading this...im am still concerned abt you and will always do...just like everyone else..please so not see yourself as someone who dun deserve other's help...cuz did you know that thats how i feel?...how many times have you all helped me?...dun you think that everytime one of you helped me i will feel the urge to repay back...especially after the incident where i nearly fainted..all of you were so concerned...it made me feel so helpless...needing others to wait on me when you all should be doing constructive things like studying...i sometimes told myself as well that i do not deserve all this as well...but Jim told me to think " if you were in your frens shoe, will you do the same?...and would you ask for something in return? "...its true...if i help one of you...i would never ask for something in return...and i hope that you feel this way as well...i know the past few days i may ave shown little concern for you...but i do have a reason behind it..a reason that isn't convenient to write here...so plz...im still here as a support...dun see me as a person that doesn't care anymore...thats not true :)...like your brother said...the apple tree already vanished...chopped up...well...maybe...but even so...it can be made into a table or chair and continue supporting :D...

AWW...me sad sad again...im feeling healthy now but my lecturer told me on facebook not to go to school for the next 2 days...i'll be bored stiff if i stay at home healthy lei...but then i scared if i go school then y lecturer not happy cuz i may spread to others :(...gar...

How interesting to feel the sensation of fainting :P
haha...was in school today thinking im cured already...how naive...halfway through psychology lecture suddenly felt like vomiting...rushed out of the lecture hall and realized i was seeing everything blur and whitish...nothing could come in focus and i couldn't walk straight...so in panic...i tapped the nearest passerby to ask for help and thankfully she assisted me to a table where i could rest...thank earth that there are such people in the world...and i never got her name :(...oh well...but still...wad an interesting day :P
And also must thank my frens who was there for me...helped me buy fish porridge...which was pretty nice :P...and jim for sending me home...gotta find a way to repay their kindness one day :D
Okays...guess i should see a doctor soon and get some rest...must try and go school tmr...not gonna miss it unless im really dying...jkjk.

GOSH!! last night sucked....went to sleep at abt 11.58 and was tossing and turning around...had to keep visiting the toilet cuz i drank lots of water...and the weak body didn't help...body felt so hot and heated and also cold...it was like this for so long till i lost track of time...to me it felt like hours has passed and when i received a message i thought the time was like 2 plus...but it showed 12.59...i thought to myself " crap..need to suffer for the rest of the night " ...and that i did...continued tossing and turning and going to the toilet the whole night...and everytime i walked past the clock to see when the horror will end :(...finally...around 5 plus i felt my body cure a little and the fever broke...felt more energized even though i did not sleep....now...only got cough and phlegm...thank the earth...:D

GOSH...unlucky little me..fell sick and all...and have to keep it frm my parents so that they wont tell me to sleep early...i need to do research..
Well... despite yesterdays happiness..i fell sick with fever, headache and body ache...then this morning woke up with phlgem and flu...and now at night have fever and weak body again...dammit...hopefully cured tmr so that i can go school...last lecture before holidays are usually very impt...cant afford to miss it...
haiyo..too tired to even continue la...nitez ppl...still got a few more research to do

WOOO!!...backs frm NBSS 10th anniversary dinner...was kinda fun but to say the truth...playing sports with my poly class was more fun :P...
For some reasons...i no longer feel bonded to my sec 4 class...not totally forgotten but it seems i can no longer fit in with them..not that i ever had an easy time trying to...but this time i had no inclination to join in the photo taking and all this chat...i got this feeling that they also forgot a little abt me anyway...i dun rmb the boys inviting me much for their little gathering and all this outing...no longer feel connected to most of them...only a few did rmb and im glad they exist...thank god theres my teachers who still have the courtesy to rmb. :(
Well..im not gonna fret over my past anymore...im thankful i have 25 new and awesome classmates...people that i can trust...im putting the trust that once belonged to 4G2 to SS1001...not that forgotten 4G2 completely...its just that..since you guys could always go out without me...i dun think it will be hard to continue doing that...but i know there are some that are still awesome...dun worry...i wont forget you all...
well...enough ranting and self disclosure...im still gonna be in school happy and bouncy...after all..next week is the last week before holidays start...cant wait.

WEE!!!...its thursday again and had a great time playing sports with NYPSS frens again :P...badminton and captains ball this time...its good that the games exist cuz it helped me forget a bit of disappointment previously...
Lets start sad fist...had my counselling ICA today and i think i was the worst among all those who took their assessment today :(...jocelyn says i was talking too fast and jumbled my paraphrasing and questioning for one section...haiyoz...tried my best to be good...guess im not that lucky :P...but its ok....i was sad and now im still a little disappointed but im not gonna let it get into me :P...
Then after that the fun started...we had a time of silly photo taking and im still waiting for teddy to upload so i can use it as a profile pic :P...then we played some ball games in class...yes i know we should not do that :P...then finally we moved to the proper court...started off with a bit of badminton and a group including me was passing balls around...then finally the captain ball match started...was fun and could not stop laughing...sinthu kept falling throughout the whole game lor...poor girl :D...but anyways...the boys won the match but i can see im not on form to play captains ball..had a lot of attempted score but missed :P..too bad..
Then it was back to playing badminton and had a small match with jocelyn...was shabby compared to her....hee hee...she's quite good at badminton lei ( give me more marks for this ! jkjk ).
Then finally went home tired like crap...haha..today was fun i guess..if not for the counselling thingy :P...but next week wont be so good....guess theres gonna be alot to do...must enjoy our 3 days weekend well :P

Great..im sad again :(
I feel like a jinx...seems like everywhere i go i bring trouble with me lei...people nearly fell and lost their live becuz of me...caused others to have to go through trouble that i avoided...caused books in my care to be damaged...caused others to feel bad or worried becuz of me...caused others to feel sad becuz of my faults...the list goes on :( i feel like a curse or plague...
I think im gonna try and avoid unnecessary contact with others already...in order to protect their interest as well as my own...no idea why all this kinda misfortune falls on me...my lips keep getting infected...ulcers in my mouth...and some others that i dun even wanna say :(
Lucky the book thing was forgiven :(..or i'll feel like crap the whole week :(