IM PISSED AND F**KED NOW!!!...IVE CAUSE SO MUCH TROUBLE TO OTHERS AND HAVE TO MAKE UP FOR IT...WHY IS IT THAT YOU PPL CAN HAVE SUCH A CAREFREE LIFE...I WANTED IT TOO..AND I DID...BUT THEN THINGS MIGHT POP BY AND TEAR AWAY MY HAPPY, CAREFREE AND FREEDOM OF A LIFE...I MISSED THE TIMES WHEN ALL I THOUGHT OF WAS WHAT TO DO AFTER SCHOOL OR WHAT TO EAT...NOT CARING ABT THINGS LIKE "WILL SHE GET HURT AFTER SAYING THIS" OR OTHER THINGS LIKE THIS...I SHOULD HAVE HAD SELF CONTROL AND NOT RUSHED THINGS...NOW I SEEM LIKE IM IN THE WORST KIND OF OBLIGATION...AN OBLIGATION FOR LIFE!...LIFE!!!...THERE IT GOES...I WAN MY OLD LIFE BACK!!THE FREEDOM KIND OF LIFE...JUST BECUZ I LIKE TO HELP OTHERS DOES NOT MEAN I DUN NEED ANY HELP...BUT THEN WHY ARE THE MISTAKES I MADE SUCH MAJOR ONE...SO MAJOR THAT PPL ONLY RMB ME BY THAT...AND YET IM TREATED LIKE IM TRANSPARENT AND DEVOID OF EMOTIONS...IM STRESSED AND FRUSTRATED TOO OK?...
Im not saying that i no longer wanna help ppl...its just that i just found out that ppl are sad over something i did and this situation cannot be solved in a win win situation...its either i lose my freedom for that person's happiness or i get hated...i should never have started this at all...now i cant even find a solution for this...THIS SUX...WHY MUST IT ALWAYS BE ME?...THE UNLUCKY THINGS ALL COME TO ME...IM RESISTING SO MUCH TO JUST RANT THINGS OUT BUT IT WILL RUIN SOME FRIENDSHIPS...AND I BELIEVE THAT THERES A SOLUTION...I WANT TO FIND IT....!!!!....PART OF ME IS SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW...IT USED TO BE GUILT...OR SADNESS...BUT NOW FOR SOME REASON IM SO FRUSTRATED...AND YET...I CANT FIND A COUNSELOR THAT CAN HELP...NOT MY MENTORS...DEFINITELY NOT MY MENTORS CUZ I'LL BE REPRIMANDED...I NEED ANOTHER COUNSELOR...PLEASE DUN BE LIKE THE OTHER PEOPLE AND IGNORE ME AS WELL...:(
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