I guess things just had to be this way

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ReadMe:7

Version:2011.5.25

I wont be the same again...im sorry...for those around me...i might not be able to be myself for sometimes...sorry if it will affect you people

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Well i guess things had to turn out like this...i've tried my best...but there are somethings that are just out of my control...somethings that are decisions of others that i cant control...and they have made their choice...and even though it is not the worst choice...its will still result in me slowly being tortured by the fact...so i also have made my decision...and that is to wrench myself away from this...so that i take the full hurt at once..rather than slowly...

i guess things actually can be quite good...i mean im still allowed to meet these frens...and to talk to them...but that one decision...will slowly make our frenship go down...and it will slowly tear us apart...and i would rather end this frenship at one shot...rather than end it slowly...im not sure if its the right choice...and i know its not fair for you guys as well...that you had no say in this...but i know myself...and i know that the situation now...theres too much animosity for our friendship...

Im gonna clear up the mess i've made...that i will...but then after that...im unsure...but i'll probably leave church...it took me 17 years to make the decision to follow christ...but all it took was a few people to make me doubt...and it wasn't even you guys who cause it...thats why its unfair...but thats how things are...i'll see how things turn out..but in church...i never felt is as a home...everywhere i look people seem so cold to me...i feel like i dun belong there...and perhaps i dun...im not sure about this...but there will be a high chance that i'll be leaving the place...as for leaving christianity...we'll see how things go...

its hard for me to make this decision...and even now im tearing about the loss of you friends...and its not your fault at all..its my decision...but i have my reasons...all these may change in future...who knows...but as of now...thats how things are...its better to feel one huge hurt...rather than to be hurt slowly overtime...trust me...it hurts to do this...i feel the pain in my heart literally right now :( i still have this small shimmer of hope for things...but its fading...slowly....