Life is never easy...

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ReadMe 6
Version: 2011.5.19

Confused
and still confused

Guilty

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Sigh...things just really isnt going the way i want it to be is it?...i wan you to be happy...but that will make another party sad...i also want the other party to be happy...but i know that would make you sad...i search my heart...to see where it belongs...but what i saw was a heart that was split...and both party will not be happy to have only half...but have they ever thought...to have a heart split into half...who is the one that is hurt the most?...Me...every night i ask myself how fair is it to be like this...to only share half of me with each of you...but how can i control?...this is something i cant control...i would love to be able to control it...but both of you know better that such things cant be controlled...either way..one have to be hurt...and frankly speaking...i already made the decision...there is only one person that occupied my mind...one person that i had even thought of spending my life with...and that is my choice...but i cant bring myself to tell the other party...of fear that i would hurt that person...and lose a friend...so all im doing now is buying time...and lying to that person...

I am confident...the correct choice is reading this post right now...yes you...i know you're reading it now :) dun worry...i told you before that my heart is with you and i intend to keep that promise...give me some time...stay confident...cuz im very sure you are reading this post right now :)..and the other party doesn't read my blog one...im still trying to settle this...and frankly speaking...its not going well...so far both party are still neutral...but im the one with the most pain and confusion...i know i need to handle this...but its not easy with so many things...people dun trust me...thinking that i might be some worthless and useless person...and perhaps i really am...who knows...i dun even know myself right now...and now reading my own post...i realized that this post is seriously just me pouring out all my fear...sadness...distress and confusion...seeing how cluttered my thoughts are...but dun worry :D...nothing has changed since the last time we talked :D and just to triple confirm that you really are my right choice...6 more days ;)