I need a doctor...

p.s. for the sake of simplicity "E" represents the person

Dr.Dre- I need a Doctor

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6m3vtWYCuMg

http://www.metrolyrics.com/i-need-a-doctor-lyrics-eminem.html

Some of you all who knows me well...should know that i'm not a song person...so how come i know this song...well someone special attached this song to me...told me that the song reminded the person of me...and that the lyrics was the exact situation we were in back then...and how true...But after "E" left me 10 months ago...I've never played or listened to this song again... up till now...and it brought me to the biggest emotional breakdown I've had because of this person.

"E" have this cute habit of attaching songs to important people in "E"s life...and "E" told me that this was the song attached to me...i was confused so "E" played the song and let me read the lyrics...i still rmb it was during a sleep over at "E"s house and we were lying down in front of the laptop playing that music...and as i read the lyrics i was in shock...it really was our situation, and almost exactly how we were.

But now that "E" has left my life, and that I've finally dug out some courage to listen to the song again, i cant help but rewind my mind to back then when we were listening to the song together and also analyzing it together.

It got interesting from stanza 4 onward. That was when "E" was explaining to me how this song was related to us. "E" talked about how i was different, and how i actually was nice to "E", did not see "E" as a nuisance or bother, always looking out for "E" and also never leaving "E" out of anything. "E" said it was like "breathing life into 'E' " and giving "E" something to be happy about. I rmb giving a smile and putting my hand over "E"s shoulder at that point.

Then hopping to stanza 7, "E" told me how during these times when its getting hard for both of us...how I was struggling with my issues of protecting "E" and also pleasing others...and how because of wanting "E" to be happy i had to trade my own happiness and get into more trouble. "E" told me that"E" felt bad that i was going through all these because of "E". What worries "E" most was that i was losing confidence in myself...and i told "E" that im not sure what im doing is right anymore. I began doubting myself and "E", just like how the sentence "You don't believe in you no more" went. I was slowing losing my ability to help him...

Then at stanza 8 shit really hits the fan..."E" told me how our roles have been reversed...how i used to be the one always helping "E" but now it seems like iIve traded my peace for his...now it seems like i'm going thru more than "E" and "E" is the one keeping my alive, being my "doctor". "E" talked about some of my rash decisions that i've made, and also decisions that we talked about, how i kept doubting myself and allowing "E" to make the decisions instead. I lost my will and confidence because of how things turned out (and side track, praying to God DID NOT fucking help at all)...the lyrics "Like i'm your leaders, your supposed to fucking be my mentor" showed how things have changed...and how I grown to rely on "E" in life.

"E" used stanza 9 to let me know how much things have passed...how i always believed in "E", always gave "E" confidence to make decisions..how I encouraged "E" to tell the truth to "E"s cell leader or friends..just like how "Everyone at the fucking label, lets tell the truth". Both me and "E" were labeled...but i always told "E" that if you trust the person then tell the truth. There was also about the career, in all essence "E" is my friend, but "E" was also my "client". and because of what happened i don't deny that i broke my code of ethics BIG time, and still life with the guilt today. the next line made both of us laugh actually..but its an inside joke ;)

As for stanza 10..."E" simply told me that "E" would not leave me in the lurch, because of how i did not leave "E" in the lurch. I was really moved by what "E" said..."E" told me how much "E" still needed me, how i was someone true to "E", and I promised "E" i would never leave, and would always be waiting for "E"...and even now..after 10 months..i still am.

As for the chorus, its as simple as it is...We both needed Doctors in our life, and each of us are each of our doctors :'(

and now, im crying like an idiot again...I lost my doctor...and i need a doctor...im still waiting for you "E", and as the 1 year mark comes...i don't know how long more i can hold out :'(