Downhills in life

  Wretched day today...for starters i was separated from my classmates again...so i was alone with random people doing diamond push ups...pull ups (assisted so thank god) and running...and the friend i was supposed to meet...it was cancelled so i guess it would be another few more days...tmr im meeting my junior and cell...and fuck my brain isnt functioning at best to write this crap..and im too lazy to re write...so lets get some flow out

  So after napha i went to ikea with my group...i was damn worried abt what im gonna say to them during the meeting...but halfway Kristine didnt feel too good so we dropped her off home and went to ikea to eat...and the meeting was forgotten...lol...we had some fun there...food was good...were laughing around while looking at stuff...but all this time my mind was elsewhere...but fortunately distraction always worked for me and i pulled thru that outing...we headed back to meet ai weig and i presented my stuff to her..only to find that half my mind is elsewhere..again...jeez..and finally we went to have a focus group...now that was much more interesting...and distracted me quite well

  So yea...whats the distractions for...well for starters...my friendship is shaking again...and the feeling i always get is coming again...and as usual i get worried about the friendship...but my mei mei knocked some sense into me...thats what i like abt her..shes damn blunt and honest with me...and although it was a kick in the balls...it worked...i realized such a big mistake i've always been making...ive been concerned over the friendship..as in the element of friendship...and totally neglected the friend himself...i realized now all this time when i thought i was being a good friend...it was about the friendship rather than the person...such a huge mistake...yes even though caring abt the friendship meant that the person is important...but i really should be caring for the person...that was the same for my ex...i was so concerned for my relationship...and maybe i neglected him...although it seems less likely for him cuz he was a turd (no i dont mean it :P) but thanks to my mei mei...i realized now what i did wrong..and obviously my ego got in the way..but for some magical reason..i just kept quiet for awhile...and admitted to her...yes she's right..

  however the damage has been done...and its no longer in my power to do anything...i've done all i can...i've tried to find out what happened...i've tried to make things right..but now..after getting the hit in the head by my sis...i realized that i've done enough...she suggested that i pour out exactly what i felt and all into one message...send it..and the rest is up to the person...and thats what i did...i admitted my mistakes...i apologized for it...and i asked for forgiveness...now the rest is up to him

  However i know myself very well..i do not wanna lie to myself...i know i wont take it easy..i know everyday i'll still worry...and i know that very soon...my heart will give the tug again...but this time...im ready...i have a full line of distractions ready...and even though im still gonna cry about it (which i wont hold back since my mei mei told me to cry it out)..im not gonna impede anymore...i have trust in my friends that they will know that im true to them...and loyal to them...the rest is up to them...and i shall be here waiting...till they are back...

but on a side extra note...i really hope i do not have to wait 8 months...pain would have been terrible...ok ignore that...

now for minecraft...another world...another life :)

oh mr blog...thanks for being with me these past few days...this may..MAY be the last post that i bug you with in a long time...you deserve a break :P