As the title suggest...i have a new blog
http://myalternatedirection.wordpress.com/
BUUUT!!! its more private so some of the post are locked with a password...well there might be sometimes when i post public stuff there...but most of that will be here i guess...only those who really do know me well will know the password pretty quickly :P
Anyway...today was a pretty rough day...what i am pressured by is the bloody fact that i have no more time for my kids and eunos pri...yea i wanted to keep my mondays free to go down...but cuz of the above mentioned incident...i totally got so pissed off and made the reckless decision and told them that i'll give the mondays to them as well...which means that they are free to tap on me on mondays...i mean..im already pressured enough cuz i seem to be the only one who wanted mondays and fridays off...and they seem to complain so much about being behind time...best part was...since we meeting supervisor early so we need to meet extra on monday...just to catch up with time...so in all desperation i told myself that since im the only one with the obligations then i'll save you all the trouble...i'll reduce it...even though i openly admit..yes im damn excited about the manual..yes the manual are gonna impact kids in future and thats awesome...but NO i would not wanna sacrifice my time with my kiddos just for it...cuz they are more important to me...they are the people that can really make me smile so genuinely and be so happy...i've seen teenagers reach that level before..but sooner or later...things happen...cuz people change..but them...they hardly ever change..at least not now when they are still young...the way they treat me...the way they react to me..those are my testimony of who i really am..not how teenagers treat or react to me...and honestly..thinking like this helped me gain some confidence back...and thats why they are so important to me
But to be fair...teenagers are not all bad..yea even the gangster ones...i'll never forget my 4 Bb boys frm last year...classic and cliche gangsters...but they treat me like a brother to them...it was them that made me wanna work with youths in future...and even now we are still on good terms...yea they do tease me...but thats what they do...play along with them...they are still young...its good for us to enjoy our youth...cuz sooner or later...we start work..and thats where the tedium starts....and i have close friends who are all teenagers...and though all of us are imperfect...we make it up in different strengths with each other.
And damn...im for the first time so damn positive...maybe cuz all my moods and stuff are dumped onto my private blog already..so i have more live here in the public one ^^v so anyway tmr is a whole day to myself...well until evening at least..hoping to meet some friends for LAN..oh speaking of which..the friend that is ignoring me? he acknowledge my existence today..and did talk a little...but something really sad...i realized my responses to him was so awkward...and i hardly even looked at him..i dunno whats happening..i used to be so open...since when did i close up to my friends that much..but maybe cuz its just a recovery mode..im pretty sure i'll be awkward if my ex started talking again...thankfully the duration of silence with my friend is not too long...and now that i think abt it..im happy that hes talking again..lets hope that it will continue to improve until its back to the usual friendship...and then its up to me to make sure i don't fuck it up again :)
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