Hi blog! your regular annoyance is here again ^^v
Ok i know...i need a life...but hey..that's why i go out to exercise...I was just done rendering videos and laughing at myself in minecraft...but as usual distractions dont usually last long so i went out for a night jog again...well before that i went to the fitness corner for some warm up..basics...nothing big cuz i wanted to conserve energy...then i started my run...after the run i went to spam push up...used those pull up machines...practice my SBJ...which failed again -.- and a whole lot of other random exercise...when i got home i was tired enough to finish my 1.5 ltr 100 plus...now damn bloated.
Whats different tonight? well for starters i started crying halfway while running...well not those "hunh hunh" breathless crying kind...but just the small tear kind that you drop when you are real sad...maybe its the past...maybe its the present...or maybe its the future..not sure which one made me tear...cuz i was thinking of them all...my past ex...my present friend...and my future partner...i realized this past few days its always these topics...
the past i talked about it tons before...if you cant rmb go search back your database to 8 months ago :P
the present i've been talking about it i think you got bored already :P
But the future...well...i was thinking about what kind of person will i be with in future...whether i will marry? or stay single and have fun...or stay single and be a nerd on the com 9tempting as it may be i dont want that to happen)...its like i really hate my future...cuz of who i am...im always confused about how the future will turn out to be...geddit? confused? geddit...geddit? nvm im stupid :P anyway yea...so worrying about all those plus whats happening now coupled with what happened in the past...im surprised im still alright...
Well not exactly luh...this afternoon while editing videos...i was alone at home..i nearly wanted to do something which my ex used to do...and i used to say NO to...i realized now what my ex mean when he says sometimes you get so stressed and pressured and you have no one to talk to...and you resort to those drastic ways to de-stress...i always told my ex that at least i'll be there to talk to him and all..and usually that works...i can at least hold back the act for a long enough period...but sometimes it fails and my ex will end up committing it...and when we meet and i see the aftermath...it hurts a lot to see my ex in that state...but i know what troubles my ex...but i just never knew why my ex would wanna do that...well now i know...sometimes when you have no where to turn...you resort to your last measures...well thankfully for me im not at that stage yet...in crisis intervention its called ideation...i have the ideation...i have the means...but i doubt i'll do it...well at least not yet...im still holding on to that hope and trust...and that does kinda help me...its like a double edge sword..it helps me but hurts me as well
oh but well...in a desperate attempt to keep myself happy..im downloading avatar to watch...kinda wish i had someone to watch it with...but i guess for this one i'll enjoy it alone...and also downloaded some new L4D2 custom maps to play...time to make friends with 3 other pathetic AI that cant fight worth shit...and one of my BB year 1 boy who played minecraft also wanted to play with me...well i'll try and work a way so that he can join in i guess :P
Oh one last thing..im screwed tmr...since first of all im going to church 2nd service...im gonna be seeing my ex...which means another pile of shit coming my way...plus this time i got no one to talk to abt it..so im gonna have to bottle the sadness in me again..haven't done that since a long long time ago...and worse is my body is gonna kill me after todays workout...so yyyeeeaaa...get ready for more bombards tmr...unless i went to kill myself...which might just happen if the pastor pissed me off again -.-
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