What a floser

Hi Blog...i know..i suck...couldn't even last 3 days without having to run back to you again...

But i dont have anyone to talk to anymore...so many things kinda sort of happened...and i want to talk to someone...im feeling lonely and once again..i really wish you could reply...im now flipping thru photos of a certain someone (so cute) and really hoping the person will come back for me...i skipped cell yesterday so at least i didn't have to see the person...but i wee bit of me kinda wished i went instead.

So anyway...yesterday was kinda a success i guess...early in the morning i went into skyrim...and role played so deeply...i've never actually role played so deeply that i found myself talking to myself about my next choices and all before...it does help...i was effectively distracted the whole morning in another world...but as usual...the moment im back in reality..bam! everything came back..my chest hasn't been leaving me alone...has been tugging me at random times...and the fact that i really wanna talk to people but no one i can talk to isn't helping that all the stress and pressure is building up. I just need to release it and talk it out...that always worked for me...and i tried a bit of that in the afternoon

I went to meet my junior...who is my nemesis...in the afternoon after his lessons...I talked to him a bit when things happened...maybe its becuz his just new...or just nice..but for some reason i found myself trusting him with a little bit more than i would usually give...but honestly...like i said maybe he's just new...so i still couldn't share with him as much as i would hope...however i found out that we were rather similar in many ways...and also unfortunately very different in other ways..still it was nice chatting with him..and it did help me alleviate some of the stress..but as usual...after we parted ways...it came back...in stronger force...because talking to him wasn't the same as talking to someone else...i wasn't being as "me" as i hope for...i still told him truths...just that it was mainly shallow truths...and not my usual self which likes to pour things out.

Oh and in between i also met my mei mei...who ranted to me about our common enemy...who's name rhymes with a sound a dog makes...it was funny hearing her spew profanities everywhere and that kinda cheered me up a little

So on the train to meet BAMS in the evening...it was cool that we skipped...well semi skipped cell to go play LAN..i heard from my mei mei that some of my classmates were there so i tried to pull back the timing till later in the evening so i didn't have to meet them and create the awkward feeling for someone...and thank god it worked...we had fun...but i knew i wasn't in form...and funny enough edwin knew as well...I died a lot more than usual...and i know edwin kept looking and turning at me...i guess he knows somethings not right...kinda wish he didn't...then on the way back that curse of an alex said "lets go to edwin's house" again -.- its almost as if he haven't noticed that we haven't been going there since 9 months ago...and of course that made me feel guilty again...and that further reminded me of the recent events again..and guess what....im back to the moody feeling again...tragic

So i went to bed early...and tossed till about 3 i think before i fell asleep...woke up at 5 plus today cuz i was meeting my classmate for some scholarship stuffs...went to orchard to meet them and we headed to the seminar place...got a crap load of papers...and seeing all the possible scholarships...and my friends (who were all girls) pestered me to check out the army, navy, airforce and police force scholarships in an attempt to teach me how to be hot and awesome...i told them then uniforms turn me off and their reply was "but it turns other girls on!" haha honestly i dont see myself in the army...much less the police...but i still sat thru a nice policewomen's chatter just to get the brochures of the scholarships for police force...now to try and find a way to pass them to the right hands...we then had lunch at soup spoon...and now im home feeling fat and lazy...and then again the feelings come knocking on my head...so now im writing to you mr blog ^^

I guess i wont lie...i definitely miss talking to someone...you're a good friend...and i dunno how to emphasize more that its just a good friend...nothing more...i made mistakes...and i dare say i learnt from it...well the hard way i guess...but still...at least i learnt more about myself...You've been angry with people before...and everytime im always amazed at how you seem to show that you still care about them..i told you before that i wouldnt be able to do that as well as you...but im glad you do...cuz i never expected myself to become one of those that you will be so angry or disappointed with...but now that i am...i really hope i'll be given a chance as well...Im sorry for what i did...please forgive me...